crap

has it really been a month since i posted last? woa. BF will be "graduating" from preschool june 13th. i cannot beleive it is really true. she is such an incredible gift, i am so lucky that i have such a wonderful, funny, talented, sweet and kind daughter. She has not really shown any stress about the event, and has shared her songs she will perform with the class, along with the moves. Yet I can't help but think that she's a bit stressed because last night she cried out so i went into her room and she hugged me and said "this is for you mummy" using both hands she pretended to hand me something. her eyes were darting around from side to side like she was looking at something, and I could tell that she wasn't awake. it was kind of spooky watching her. I tucked her back in and she went back to sleep, eyes shutting like a sleepy doll. Then I went to bed and lay awake completely freaked out by what just happened. By the way, do I get her a gift for graduation? A book? Cash? A new car (toy car, that is)?

My DH has lost his grandfather this past week. Unable to obtain a passport in a timely fashion he will not be flying to south amaerica to bury him. the news hit him harder than he thought it would, and he hasn't been getting good rest for the past few days. Considering the hours he keeps, he needs every bit of rest he can get. So he's been sad, and I am sad for him. His grandfather was a lovely man, smart, well read and charming. I met him only twice, once when we fisrt started dating and at our wedding. DH didn't spend a whole lot of time with him during his lifetime either. He was always wanting us to come down to Chile for a visit. And we never did. And DH (I fear) is feeling a tremendous amount of guilt.

More later. My head is pounding. Good night.